had a good rest at home yesterday. dunno why woke up in the afternoon with a headache tho :S so ended up not gg for cg. turns out there was no tf on fri either.

anw, im feeling damn full now. i had lunch at almost 2. and dinner at 5. bleah. had lunch at auntie celeste's place with the extended family. it was quite small this time round. yeah. or so it seemed. daniel is super cute. hahah. shy boy. and then met hsiaoen, limin, youyin, co, and xiaolan for dinner. actually i didnt even know it was dinner. yeah. and it was meant to be a surprise but oh. i spoilt it. hahaha. cos it was SUPPOSED to be kk and me. and then i took cab from auntie celeste's place but dropped at the mrt side and i saw them sitting there waiting but i just walked to hub first. hahah.

working for 2 more days next week. hope fri wont be another killer. heh.

oh i bought a new backpack today (: happy. hahah. for school. oh the day is drawing near! i dunno what to do/how to react. :S

1 and a half more weeks. some friends are flying off soon :S

and yes chrystal we will meet soon (: sorry bout this sunday that i cant accompany you ):

pacey you want to pay for the extra seat for my cello? hahah. i will stuff some clothes inside the case la for extra padding. (ooh new hardcase (: )

I AM SO TIRED. thankfully today im not gg anywhere except cg today (i dunno why today got cg. so confusing). work yesterday was the most tiring ever. my knees were so painful when i got home :( cos thurs i did 2nd opener with joann as opener and then had dinner at auntie sharon's and uncle richard's (boonlay!!) and then friday i was doing opening with joann as 2nd opener and had dinner with yujun and ms tan. yep. it was a horror shift for friday man. customers kept coming in in in in in endlessly. and to top it off, we had a training shift manager on the floor with us. cindy was coaching her. the 3 of us almost pulled out our hair. aye. i cannot work with her man. and i found it really difficult to love her as a person. meep. only went for break at 12.30pm with joann (that's how busy it was). and was starving too cos i didnt have breakfast in the morning. i think im gg to get deep vein thrombosis. haha. dinner with yujun and ms tan was nice (: maybe i shouldnt have asked for shift next week... but it's too late. oh well. see what happens.

OH I NEED TO PACK.

panic attack

meep. im starting to worry that i will exceed 50kg worth of check in. cos my cello and textbooks are really heavy (10kg and 12-15kg). then ya. i dunno! ack :S

and not just that. got like 6 emails from school about school stuff yesterday. then my brain went into panic mode again. im feeling quite scared now. i think

OH NO ):

packpackpack; 14 more days

I wonder how or when You knew me as a child
When I was quiet and pensive, or running free and wild
When I could barely sing a note, play catch or count to three
With each passing day You watched me even then

I wonder how or when You knew me as I fought
With every race that I ran, and achievement that I sought
For the years of effort spent to be the best that I can be
When I was trying so hard You helped me even then

Emmanuel You were there
You know my way
And You’ve always known who I was and am today
And You’ve never loved me less even then

I wonder how or when You knew me as I loved
How to give of my heart and receive the undeserved
What it meant to not fear pain, and be healed when it came
And in learning to love, You inspired me even then

Emmanuel You were there
You know my way
And You’ve always known who I was and am today
And You’ve never loved me less even then

I wonder how or when You knew me as I wept
With my face on the pillow sobbing till I slept
But with each ache of my heart I knew somehow that You cared
And in the dark of the night You heard me even then

Emmanuel You were there
You know my way
And You’ve always known who I was and am today
And You’ve never loved me less even then

I wonder how or when You knew me in that hour
As You hung on that cross in humility and power
With every last breath I heard Your heart whisper my name
And in suffering and shame .. You loved me then… You loved me even then

© eeleen lin

this song has been in my head since yesterday probably cos it echoed my thoughts for the day. it's really beautiful. see what vmtfs can do?

i remembered what else i wanted to say.
it's always in such situations like yesterday that i find myself truly humbled by God, not that i have ever taken my abilities for granted. crap. i dunno how to put it down in words. tsk. it's just a weird feeling. (what a limited vocabulary! im so lousy with words :S)

i have many random things on my mind.

1.
oh no i forgot... haha. wait ah. oh dear.. haha. uh. OH. okay.
turns out that despite changing strings, my cello still has a wolfsound :S dgt. and it's not just on F apparently. playing at suyin's bday concert today i think the D got a bit also. ack. i shall check it soon

2.
i realised i never blog about suyin's birthday concert at all. even the practices and stuff. mm. anw, it's been great/ it was great! meeting new people and just in awe of the musical talents they possess. it really wows me. like suyin. her composing skills are the best and she basically conquers the instruments she plays. and wenyang, he's really sensitive to the needs of a song. alot of fillers and pads (ooh i learnt a new term haha). yeah. eeleen writes nice pensieve songs which are straightforward in words but deep in thought. and she has a beautiful voice. and can play guit and keys. rachael has a great voice too. and plays the guit as well. and derrick. don't need to say much la. haha. his guitar skills are way up up up. aiya. in a nutshell, they're just vmtfs (very musically talented friends). haha.

the whole gig just now got me quite emo. cos of the songs that were sung (the lyrics of the songs). and the background behind these songs that they wrote i guess. it made me think of what is to come. my own experience of gg to a new land, new culture, new people. how i would choose to react, to be myself or to change according to the flow. how i want to grow/see myself grow not just in character and faith and these kind of things but also improving my skills to allow God to work thru me (like how i've seen God work thru almost all the people above). yeah. i wanted to cry. i had the feeling. haha. teared but of course didnt cry cos it was the wrong place and time to do so. oh well.

mm yeah. i came to a realisation that my skills are still so limited. like there's so much more that i can learn and can improve. but i need a guider/mentor of some sort to teach me and stuff. felt so insecure in playing today. and became very self critical as usual. (why am i crying. haha this is ridiculous) i felt like such a noob amongst all these geniuses and it made me so self conscious in my playing. and this is not the first time. why do i fear to be myself? to be who i really am in front of others? i dunno the ans to that qn yet, but i believe that this insecurity is somewhat a barrier preventing God from using me thru music in the fullest/fuller extent. and not just that but in other aspects too i guess.

oh the troubles of a critical mind :O

3.
oh shucks i forgot what i wanted to blog about again :S

ack it will come when it wants to be recorded/remembered

i need to rest. i need/want to get well soon! my poor peeling nose. ohhhh.

back from kt!

what a short trip. and less visiting also. but it was alright. pretty normal. somewhat. mm di brought 'the legend' (a korean drama serial) which we finished in our free time. practically hogging the tv. hahah. grandma nagged quite a lot this trip. but i guess it's part and parcel of her love. although i dont entirely agree with the things she says sometimes or the way she thinks but it's kinda difficult to change that cos she can be pretty stubborn. wore my new qipao on the first day (: but didnt get to wear my heels. yeeesh. another time then.

maipo is super funny. cos we played ban luck at her house on the second day after lunch but she only joined the game halfway. so initially we said play till 3. then she wanted to extend the time to 4! my tian. then keep compromising until 3.15. and the phrase 'last 3 games' was said at least 2 or 3 times. hahah.

i dont like my retainers :S blah

i should be happily on the way to terengganu in my dad's car now. but no.... i am at home in my room blogging about the crazy queue at the checkpoints.

we woke up at 4am to beat the crowd this morning (usually 4am suffices. like got queue la but dont need to wait too long.) but when we reached woodlands, the queue was so far behind from the immigration area. so we decided to try tuas. and the queue was EVEN LONGER. to the point we cannot see the start of the queue. it was so so so damn long and could tell the queue was not really moving cos there were people who came out of their cars and stood by the roadside to wait. that was at 5.30am.

so we gave up and came back home. i think we're gg to join the queue later. hahah. man. in so many years gg back to msia, this is the first time we've seen such a VERY LONG QUEUE. and to think in the past we always say, omg why the queue so long. hahah. sian.

on a happier note, i finally met hayeeeatoii yesterday (: joy! (: and jiaxin keeps framing me. she says i've changed and become meaner -.- haha

gtg!