i have many random things on my mind.

1.
oh no i forgot... haha. wait ah. oh dear.. haha. uh. OH. okay.
turns out that despite changing strings, my cello still has a wolfsound :S dgt. and it's not just on F apparently. playing at suyin's bday concert today i think the D got a bit also. ack. i shall check it soon

2.
i realised i never blog about suyin's birthday concert at all. even the practices and stuff. mm. anw, it's been great/ it was great! meeting new people and just in awe of the musical talents they possess. it really wows me. like suyin. her composing skills are the best and she basically conquers the instruments she plays. and wenyang, he's really sensitive to the needs of a song. alot of fillers and pads (ooh i learnt a new term haha). yeah. eeleen writes nice pensieve songs which are straightforward in words but deep in thought. and she has a beautiful voice. and can play guit and keys. rachael has a great voice too. and plays the guit as well. and derrick. don't need to say much la. haha. his guitar skills are way up up up. aiya. in a nutshell, they're just vmtfs (very musically talented friends). haha.

the whole gig just now got me quite emo. cos of the songs that were sung (the lyrics of the songs). and the background behind these songs that they wrote i guess. it made me think of what is to come. my own experience of gg to a new land, new culture, new people. how i would choose to react, to be myself or to change according to the flow. how i want to grow/see myself grow not just in character and faith and these kind of things but also improving my skills to allow God to work thru me (like how i've seen God work thru almost all the people above). yeah. i wanted to cry. i had the feeling. haha. teared but of course didnt cry cos it was the wrong place and time to do so. oh well.

mm yeah. i came to a realisation that my skills are still so limited. like there's so much more that i can learn and can improve. but i need a guider/mentor of some sort to teach me and stuff. felt so insecure in playing today. and became very self critical as usual. (why am i crying. haha this is ridiculous) i felt like such a noob amongst all these geniuses and it made me so self conscious in my playing. and this is not the first time. why do i fear to be myself? to be who i really am in front of others? i dunno the ans to that qn yet, but i believe that this insecurity is somewhat a barrier preventing God from using me thru music in the fullest/fuller extent. and not just that but in other aspects too i guess.

oh the troubles of a critical mind :O

3.
oh shucks i forgot what i wanted to blog about again :S

ack it will come when it wants to be recorded/remembered

i need to rest. i need/want to get well soon! my poor peeling nose. ohhhh.