my 2 day break from work passed really fast. maybe cos i slept half of my tuesday away and spent most of today out of the house. hmm. haha.

anw, i had a shot at playing for prayer today. it was quite fun in a way. i felt that i could worship more than when i play cello (and feel more stressed) haha. and i guess i felt more protected cos there were better players to cover and lead. yeah. i still want to learn more on the guitar leh, not just be effective. must learn how to explore it myself...

just some nonsense that filled my thoughts today on the bus home just now:

i've always wondered how i would turn out if i never became a christian. like will i still be who i am now? in terms of character that is, and the way i act, carry myself, etc. i believe that even tho i'll be somewhat who i am, God still shapes and moulds me to be who He wants me to be, like even better than how i would've turned out being a nonchristian i suppose. and the fact that i believe in Him makes me a testimony to the non christians around, esp now in my store. there are little comments that my partners make that make me glad to know that i'm different from others, glory to God for that of course (: and it's difficult to directly communicate the gospel and God's truth to them, but still in my actions, God can speak and open their eyes to see beyond what is outside to what is inside. hooray (:

i was just thinking of some other stuff, when this came to mind. about how humans are selfish (that i alr know). in line with what was preached on saturday at tm, coming to God daily in surrender really helps put in perspective what we are living for. and sometimes we dont realise our stubbornness or inability to let go of the things around us: the decisions we make, what we want, what we think we need, our thoughts, our human/carnal desires, etc etc. these things become a hindrance to allowing Jesus' lordship in our lives. no wonder in romans paul says " i do not understand what i do. for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do. and if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good. as it is, it is no longer i myself who do it but it is sin living in me." and in mark jesus says "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." deep stuff...

there was one more thing. im quite sure. but my goldfish memory isnt doing any good at the moment..

oh i rmb now. haha. okay but i cant type it out properly. it's very messy thoughts. ah i dunno how to put it down. nvm.

one more thing. i was very touched by ziyan who msged me during the week to check how im doing (: she'll prob never read this anytime soon, but i thank God for her, and also for how she's slowly learning to seek God and hopefully find Him in her times with him and everyday life.

oooh. crab crab crab on friday (: and daddy's coming home (: my dad's cousin's daughter has been staying with us for a few days cos she's working here for a week. she came on saturday. and i only saw her last night. haha. cos i wake up after she leaves and i come back after she sleeps.

the joints on my right hand are really zz. first it was the wrist. both the left side and right side of my hand. then now its the joints at my thumb and at my middle finger. it's damn stiff and disgusting. every morning i wake up it feels sore. when i try to stretch my fingers it hurts like crap (excluding the fact that i havent been playing piano and thus the flexibility is gone). and when i play cello it becomes very tight and uncomfortable :S i am so going to get arthritis when i grow old. yay to painful joints.

i should stop being too much of a people pleaser. it's not good :S detrimental to my mental capacity. haha

off to bed. hello long weekend!